As I sat holding my devastated 11 year old daughter on my lap in the middle of the floor, I had a glimpse at the Father's heart.

It started at a basketball game only a few hours earlier. We got word that my oldest was making choices that went against our family standards. Choices that will cost him dearly if there is no change. Choices that have been made by him in the past, and have been dealt with by us as parents. Choices that separate him from me as his father. Not because I love him less, but because when he makes those choices we can't have a close relationship.

My frustration with him did not come so much from what he did as it was related to how he broke my heart through our loss of relationship. I got angry, I cried because it hurt me, I tried to explain once again what the ultimate outcome of these choices would do to him and I was silent because I didn't know what to say. Not that all of these were godly reactions by any means.

As we were in the middle of this, my daughter's cat that she has had for 8 years, walked out into the living room and laid down and died right in front of us. As my Babydoll was crying and asking for God to not let her Colorful die, all I could do was hold her and cry with her.

At this point, God opened my eyes. He gave me a glimpse of His heart. The frustration and hurt He experiences every time I decide to walk away from His perfect standard, as well as the times He just holds me and lets me cry in my hurt. My heart broke. In the center of my time of being dad, I saw in such a small way the Father's heart for me. His fierce righteousness as well as His tender mercies. How terrific my situation felt, but how small it was in comparison.

Even in comparison to how His heart felt toward His own Son. The perfect Lamb of God…beaten, crushed, abused, rejected and killed. The pain the Father must have felt as He watched this happen. The heaviness of the Father's heart as the sins of the world were cast upon His perfect Son. The fact that God had to turn His face because He couldn't look on that sin. How must His heart have felt that day? How must His heart feel toward us from time to time?

My prayer has become one of repentance, change and thanksgiving since that time. Repentance for the hurt that I cause His heart. Repentance for the ways my reactions as a father aren't godly. Change because that is what happens with repentance. As I experienced the heaviness of a father's heart, I don't want to be the cause of that in His heart. Thanksgiving for a God who has continually held me in my time of need. Who, without judgment or even word, has been with me through my sufferings.

I caught a glimpse of the Father's heart that night and because of that, I will never be the same. Have you caught a glimpse of His heart? What have you done with that experience?